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Celebrating Life and Love

by Donna Steinhorn on April 5, 2013

I was writing a blog on perfectionism, and then my mother died.

It’s not like it was unexpected. She’d been ailing and deteriorating since she broke her first hip in October. But mom was a miracle woman by her own declaration. She had survived so much: the Nazi’s and concentration camp, losing all her family, the communists, starting all over yet again in the US with no family of her own. Caring for dad through his heart attacks and Alzheimer’s. And so many bouts with illness of her own. But through it all she maintained her sense of humor.

As we sat in her living room after the funeral, the parts of her I did not know — those that belonged to other people — unfolded for me. I heard story after story about her kindness. How she always gave advice and how they learned to take it unquestioningly in the face of both her determination and it’s impact on their lives. How kind she was. And most of all how wise she was.

I learned how she’d seen patterns in concentration camp that allowed her time after time to miraculously escape “selection.” How she gave and gave, and refused to take. How she didn’t judge people. And how much she loved me, and the rest of her family. And story after story. Funny ones, inspiring ones. A view of her that I had not had. As we went through her photo albums, there were photos I had not seen in decades. I regret not having asked her more stories about them. I regret not writing down more stories. And the names of people. But of course, I thought we had more time. We always think that. But other than those regrets, I have none. We always said what we needed to say in the moment. And in the last few months in particular, I always let her know how much I loved her, even when I was exasperated with her.

Mom died in my arms.

I had been told by a few friends who had been down this path, that to have your parent die in your arms was an amazing experience. One described it as “radiant.” I admit I was skeptical, yet in the last hours of her life I didn’t want to leave her side. So I held her. And it was incredible and beautiful…the true meaning of Awesome. I will carry that with me all the rest of the days of my life.

She’s only been gone a few days. But already I find myself channeling her. Finding words come out of my mouth that were her words. Hearing her in my head. She was a remarkable woman; I am learning that more and more.

My son gave her eulogy and his message to the mourners, and to all of us really, was to love each other. To really know each other. To be grateful for the people we have in our lives.

This morning as I prepare to go back to her house for another day of mourning, I am really celebrating life. Celebrating my mom. And celebrating love. I welcome you to join me.

The keys to enjoying relationship building

by Donna Steinhorn on December 12, 2012

Knowledge@Wharton has a post this month on networking, and while the information is not revolutionary, it is key to enhancing and building relationships.  In short, the key to building relationships is to build on existing links, enhancing existing relationships in groups you are already connected to, and enjoy the process to keep it sustainable.

http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?articleid=3123

Stand Up and Save Your Life

by Donna Steinhorn on June 1, 2012

For those of us whose work has us sitting at our desks all week, it’s time to stand up and take notice!  According to what I’ve been hearing and reading,  sitting for all those hours is wreaking havoc with our health, and may even be taking as much as 15 years off our life expectancy.  Yikes!

The medicalbillingandcoding.org website has created an infographic to show just how bad all that sitting is.

Sitting is Killing You
Via: Medical Billing And Coding

The good news is that this is easily corrected.    The simplest thing to do is just get up!  That’s right,  standing up for 30 seconds each hour is enough to counteract all that sitting.  Stand while you’re on the phone, walk to get a drink of water, march in place.  Or better yet, take a five minute walk or even do jumping jacks at your desk.  (This goes for those of you who spend a few hours in the evening in front of your television as well!)

(via http://lifehacker.com/5800720/the-sitting-is-killing-you-infographic-illustrates-the-stress-of-prolonged-sitting-importance-of-getting-up)

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In search of the Nature Environment

by Donna Steinhorn on April 17, 2012

A collection of flowers and stuff....

Flowers ignite the emotions and senses.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m not an “outdoors” person.  I don’t get a thrill from gardening or hiking or biking or kayaking.

But I love nature.

When I am really stressed out, there’s nothing that soothes me more than heading to the ocean and watching and listening to the waves and the seagulls.  My heart bursts at the sight of the trees in bloom in the spring,  at viewing and smelling fields of wildflowers, and oh the majesty of mountains set off against big blue skies or hot pink sunsets.

People need nature.  What they may not know is that being in nature actually does provide physiological benefits that improve your sleep, your diastolic blood pressure and even your hormone balance!  And nature-based experiences have also been found to be therapeutic and healing, thereby improving ones overall emotional, spiritual and general psychological well-being.

I’ve taken to buying myself flowers every week to put on my desk.  The act of arranging them in itself makes me smile and my eyes land on them during the day, or when I pass through my office.    Of course, just think about how important flowers are to weddings, funerals and other special occasions…flowers and scents stimulate our emotions.

The great outdoors has other benefits.  The vitamin D from the sunlight has been proven to be greatly important to our immune system.  Season affect disorder (SAD) occurs when some individuals are deprived of natural light in the winter, and certainly has an effect on everyone’s mood  and sleep habits to one degree or another.  Consider how you feel in a bright and airy room versus a windowless cubicle.

Gardening (for those that don’t have a black thumb like I do) can also prove to be both physically and mentally beneficial.  Many of the religious anecdotes indicate that spiritual leaders had key mystical experiences in natural settings.  And according to John V Davis, “Survey results on frequency and triggers for peak experiences (Davis, Lockwood, & Wright) shows that nature is the most common trigger for peak experiences“ as defined by Maslow.

Flowers on your desk, plants in and around your home and office, walks on the beach or woodlands, all contribute major benefits to your Personal Environment.  How will you include more of that this week?

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Drinking Tea may lower blood pressure!

by Donna Steinhorn on April 12, 2012

 

Drinking three cups of tea a day may help to significantly (10%) lower blood pressure according to a study in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

 

Now they are saying this is a result of polyphenols and caffeine in the tea. But I’m wondering if the act of stopping what you’re doing to brew and drink the tea may be a contributing factor.  Ritual and relaxation are both huge aspects of your body and health environments!    http://www.medpagetoday.com/Cardiology/Hypertension/30802

 

 

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To health with you

by Donna Steinhorn on February 2, 2012

Running man sculpture outside the Sport, Exerc...

Image via Wikipedia

I recently attended a meeting where one of the speakers was Dr. Mark Hyman.  Among other fascinating discussions, he talked about how important it was to create a support team as well as to set up your physical environment for success.  In the case of focusing on your health and eating habits, he talked about one of his successes with the Saddleback church, who with his help, created an entire program and website to promote health–The Daniel Plan.  Here parishioners can join a support team.  Get plan information and education in videos, blogs and more.  It’s a total environment for changing the way they live and getting fit and healthy.

I listened to some of the videos, in particular Dr. Daniel Amen and his wife going though someone’s pantry and refrigerator to eliminate all the “bad” foods–things like hydrogenated oils, high fructose corn syrup, chemicals and additives.  By doing so you not only become proactive in showing your commitment to yourself, you create a physical environment that supports healthy eating habits.

Mark joked about the collaboration between a nice Jewish boy from NY and the Saddleback Ministry.  But it’s no joke that this program is effective and changing lives.  Coming soon, he’ll have a website that will support those not part of the ministry, but you don’t have to wait to get started.

Commit to eating better.  Mark’s book, Ultrametabolism, is a good start, as are so many of the excellent books that have come out in recent years.  Prevention Magazine is another good resource.   There’s a wealth of resources both at the Daniel Plan site and Mark’s own site http://drhyman.com/7-keys-to-ultrawellness/ and http://drhyman.com/healthy-library/.

Commit to moving more.  It would be amazing to have the resources of a personal trainer, but you can do almost as well with one of the many sites that show you, step by step, how to exercise properly.  Two of my favorite are Livestrong and Mayo Clinic.

Get a support team!  Ask a few friends or find a group online.  Research has shown that those who have support do much better than those who go at it alone.

Set up your environments to support you.  Don’t buy foods that are bad for you. Stock your pantry and refrigerator with easily prepared and grabbed foods.  Read and learn about what’s important to your health and why.  Stay away from fast food places and avoid the neighborhood cupcake bakery. 😉  Find a walking or exercise buddy and commit to them.

And go straight to health!

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Surviving the Holidays

by Donna Steinhorn on November 18, 2011

stress elf

For all the holiday cheer this time of year, I find that for many of my clients the holidays are particularly stressful.  It’s a combination of overly busy schedules, family obligations, financial strain from gift-giving requirements, and often a reaction to too much food, too much joviality, and the endless stream of holiday requests and marketing.

Over the years, a few time-worn strategies to dealing with it all have emerged.

  1. Have reasonable expectations.  The media would have us believe that everyone’s holidays are right out of a Norman Rockwell painting, when in truth, they may be more like National Lampoon’s Christmas vacation.  Go with the flow instead of expecting perfection.
  2. Don’t say yes, when you want to say no.   Sounds simple, but over and over again people accept invitations out of a sense of obligation rather than a real desire.  It’s perfectly acceptable to say “Thank you so much, I’m afraid it’s not possible,” even if your alternate plans are Chinese take-out in front of The Big Bang Theory.
  3. Don’t overspend.  Another obvious strategy, and yet one often overlooked.  Set a budget for how much you’ll spend on gifts and stick too it.  Shop in advance so you’re not desparately looking for a gift at the last minute.  Make a list and use the internet to price shop.  Then call your local store before you head in to avoid disappointment with the item you’re hunting for isn’t available.
  4. Don’t leave things for the last minute.  That includes shopping, gift-wrapping, RSVPing, finding the right dress to wear for New Year’s Eve, or sending out holiday cards or letters.  (Consider a Christmas email and save both time and money!)
  5. Eat healthy despite the overabundance that surrounds you.  Just because it’s the holidays, it doesn’t mean you need to down a quart of heart-clogging eggnog (one cup won’t hurt), or Christmas cookies, or a dozen fried potato latkes.   Indulge wisely.  However, don’t even think about starting a diet this time of year.  That’s what January is for. 😉
  6. Get enough rest.  The holidays generally take us out of our routine, whether it’s because of the abundance of events, guests or travel.  This may be the time of year to indulge in naps!
  7. Give back.  During the holidays, find a way to give back to the community, whether that’s donating to a food bank, visiting some elderly people, or volunteering some time to a worthy cause.  Don’t over-commit, but do find a way to show love and gratitude.

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ARE YOU READY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

by Donna Steinhorn on November 14, 2011

WEBSITE UNDER CONSTRUCTION

You CAN lead the exceptional life you have dreamed about and enjoy the journey getting there. Whether you are in transition, stuck in a rut, or just want more joy and success, together we can identify your goals and the actions to get there personally and professionally. I love working with motivated people who are willing to take the steps necessary to make over their lives. The way I coach reflects my positive nature, sense of humor and rational approach to life. Together we can start creating the life you were meant to live.

Coaching will help you excavate your hidden gifts, strengthen your boundaries, get rid of the things you are tolerating, and then live life in a way that honors your values and meets your needs. You will begin to live life in a way you always wished for, but never thought was possible.

If what you want is to take an honest look at yourself: your flaws, your strengths, your dreams and goals. We can do that!

If what you want is to define success in YOUR way…not the world’s expectations…we can do that.

If you want more balance, more success, less stress, more joy, changes of all kinds…together…we can find that.

Can you do it yourself? Probably. Can you do it faster with a coach? Absolutely!

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Minding your Mindfulness

by Donna Steinhorn on September 15, 2011

Angela Spaxman, a Career and Executive Coach based in Hong Kong (and long time friend) talks about Mindfulness, and in particular about Mindfulness in the corporate world as the next big trend.  In her blog about the top benefits of mindfulness, she lists better listening ability, better moods, and in particular more control of your thinking as you are mindful of the negative thoughts that arise and take control of those thoughts by noticing them and replacing them with positive ones.

This is a perfect example of one way to control your memetic environment!

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